Can he?

I wrote this about four years ago, probably in one of the worst times in my life. I was addicted to cocaine and really strung out, but for some reason God still takes the broken and makes them new...Look at me now...straight macking

What if in a moment you had everything and with one single breath,
it just all fell apart, vanished, and/or disappeared?

Well, I know I have.

With every great nation there comes it's collapse
and with every great saint, there comes their fall.
But what if it could be restored?
Would you also be?

A man cannot live by another man's support to make sure that he breathesthe correct way and a woman can not bear child without the help of a man.
But can a man live life by faith, so that he may save others in the end?
Well, I know I can.

Can God save those that are starving, dying, or are just tired of being tired?

Well.....I know he will.

Will God take a broken, beat up, rejected, drug addict, alcoholic, stubborn, deprived, unloved, jealous, prideful, boostful, greedy, abused, hated, torn apart, ungrateful, back stabbing, gossiping heart and make them new????

Well....I know he has

Powerlifters

So today I woke up and it starts just like everyday. Well, first off my eyes are still adjusting to the light, so I usually walk into the door. But I get to the kitchen and make a protein shake, one that not most people would drink, but the eggs don't taste to bad that are in it. You know the marine's have the slogan,"The few, the proud, the Marines." Well, for me, powerlifters have a slogan too. Were few and far between and keeping it naturally is one of the biggest things that we fight with. We lift big weight and we dominate. We take no as our prisoner and when we step in to take the set, our minds change instantly. Thoughts race and race and people ask "What are you on?", but their words just encourage our rage. They tell us your nothing without roids and you wont be able to lift as much as those that are on, but with the fuel raging comes the fire that we ignite when we achieve the repetition without the easy help. We pick up the weight and achieve what you say we cant, we don't need you easy help and we don't need your criticism. We don't need your afflictions and we definitely don't need your intentions. Were natural and were the few and the far between. We cheat our exercises and we don't ask questions, but if you ask us nicely, we just tell you how we got so big!

Well its the end of July or is getting there and i just remembered that i hadnt posted anything on here. To be honest nothing had come to mind because for the first time in a long time, my minds been pretty quiet. It doesnt happen often, but usually i see things that intrigue me, but this month nothing has enough that i need to write about it or put my thoughts with bible verses. I hope everyone is having a great summer and i really wish someone else would chime in one this blog, but then again it also gives me something to do before my semester at school begins....Everyone be good and know that Jesus loves you!

At one time someone once told me,"Nothing gold can stay." As I sit and stare at my life today, nothing gold ever came.

I saw an old friend of mine the other day and he told me he was okay, but as I looked into his eyes, only God and I could tell he wasn't. Nothing changed now than it did when we were kids, but you'll never find a friend better than me.

He told me about his day and I told him about my life, but God could I really help him? When we were kids it was easy. We would just replace life with drugs and time with making music, but now I'm gone and I left him behind. God, what can I really change?

As we spoke my hands began to sweat and the tears wanted to flow because I see your jet black stare and long for their color to look as mine, but our scarred hands just don't match.

I reached and he laughed, I begged and he wouldn't collapse. Oh God what could I say?

As I walked away, things just weren't the same. He had his way and I had to walk mine. Oh God, oh God please forgive us who tresspass against you and please grant us mercy, for none of us really know of what we do! Hear my cries for his soul to be saved and let gold stay, shine, and my plea for his grace be heard!


Comments:

I was told when I was in early recovery the first time (close friends of mine know that there has been many, up to this last one) that you can walk a thousand steps away from God, but when you turn around he's still one step behind you. I've always kept that dear to my heart and have never forgotten it. Just like the book of psalms it has conforted me when I thought that everything was going to crap. I really did see an old friend the other day and I was estatic when I did. But as I stood there and watched him still doing the things that I ran away from or that I had given to God, I began to ask God what can I really do to help. Well, the first thing that came to my mind was that I really couldn't do anything, but be his friend and show him what I had accomplished and maybe that would help. Then as we kept talking I began to tear up and the realization came that they were really far gone. They are such awesome people and would do whatever they could to help you, but they have an addiction to this world that's way bigger than I could take on at the moment and as I left, I just put my head in shackles and just didn't know what to do for them anymore. So as I step back, I can only be their witness of Jesus and I can only pray that they see my change and see that the world isn't just made for addiction, but there is a love that will carry and take on whatever they can't. I love these guys and they will always be close to my heart and may God hear my cry for their mercy and grace, that he will one day show himself to them. That is my prayer for today because I really can't stand seeing them like they are...God hear my cries and bless them with your spirit...I pray all of this in the powerful name of Jesus!

Salvation

I woke up this morning with a starvation. As I rolled over I could barely move and when I did get up the pain was excruciating. I woke up alone and lonely, realizing that I had no where to be because the job I did have was gone like a fresh breeze through the trees. I stole from its location to only get caught and with the steel cold handcuffs, it was just another bother that I received another mugshot. So, when I came to my senses this morning I looked at my phone, it was two in the afternoon and she just wasn't going to call. I lied to get my way through and the drugs just weren't enough, that's why I was shaking and the reason I could barely move. As I sat there with my head in my hands, there was no friends to run to, but there was the bottle that always left me stranded and alone. I thought it would get me through and I thought that it would get me by, but as I lay there thinking the four walls around me finally collapsed. I began to see nothing and wondered where everyone was? But as I lay there hollowed and alone, tired...tired was what I had become. I couldn't get through to you and I really didn't know why, but I'm dying here and without you I shall be. The drugs took over and the DT's made me weak, but I didn't know what to do and here was all I had. My eyes were once colored, but black was there new shade, I was dying on the inside..but this, this is what I was to become.

Matthew 21-35
The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]

23"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents[b] was brought to him. 25Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

26"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' 27The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

28"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii.[c] He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.

29"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'

30"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

32"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' 34In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

35"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."


This is through the eyes of someone who has either pushed everyone out of their lives or has/is dealing with an addiction that is just way bigger than they are. People die everyday alone and lonely or do they just not see the full picture. They die alone, but are they really? They die alone because they have not heard the Gospel. The Gospel saves lives, but it takes someone really bold to show it to them. People shouldn't die this way and if I could save them, I would. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone chooses to take their "free will" wherever they want, but they shouldn't ever die in what they think is "loneliness". We should respect them for their fight and bless them as they stand in front of us. If they steal from you, then aren't we supposed to look the other way and provide them with what they need? When they ask us for our help, aren't we supposed to drop what we're doing to do that? These are the first steps to showing the Gospel to those who need it because other people who don't know Jesus wouldn't allow these good thing to happen to them. Show compassion, show helpfulness, show love and most importantly you should always show them Jesus.

Devoted

Glycerine

by Bush

It must be your skin I'm sinking in
Must be for real 'cause now I can feel
And I didn't mind, it's not my kind
It's not my time to wonder why

Every thing's gone white and every thing's gray
Now you're here, now you're away
I don't want this, remember that
I'll never forget where you're at

Don't let the days go by, Glycerine, Glycerine

I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time
Are you at one or do you lie
We live in a wheel where everyone steals
But when we rise, it's like strawberry fields

If I treated you bad, you bruise my face
Couldn't love you more, you got a beautiful taste
Don't let the days go by
Could have been easier on you

I couldn't change though I wanted to
Should have been easier by three
Our old friend 'Fear' and you and me
Glycerine, Glycerine

Don't let the days go by, Glycerine
Don't let the days go by, Glycerine, Glycerine
Glycerine, Glycerine

Bad mood whine again
Bad mood whine again
As she falls around me

I needed you more when we wanted us less
I could not kiss, just regress
It might just be clear, simple and plain
Well, that's just fine, that's just one of my names

Don't let the days go by
Could have been easier on you, you, you
Glycerine, Glycerine, Glycerine, Glycerine

Devoted

It's the stare that becomes a glare and I really can't fathom how she ever found it?

Her eyes give off a daze and it miraculous shows, how much love God has given her.

She speaks in a tone and it shows me that I'm not alone

And God speaks to me with every breath she breathes

Her eyes are sky blue and they move

with a glaze of God's outstretched hand

I can't speak whenever shes around, but when on the level ground

she always makes me feel like I could fly

I'm like a child with dreams and big ambitions, but she sees through them and challenges me to always do better.

Searching for God, I'm always fond

of how much she really can care.

She takes the time and I really don't mind because she always devotes her time.

She's beautiful in and out, it's really not a doubt that I really do care.

Totally devoted, you really never boast, but instead put others in front.

You never ask for much,

I'd love to give you the world, but I know that you will never ask.

I ask for nothing from a person who would give their life for the ones standing next to her. People give her a hard time and she still smiles. Her attitude never changes and every conversation that we have, is always my pleasure. You know a lot about the bible and teach me with it every time we speak. I could talk to you for hours and our conversations help me with life. I never seem to bug you even though I call you on a daily basis. Your tone never changes and your attitude always stays the same. You beautiful in and out with God's grace always extended with each breath you breathe. I love when we meet and your eyes make me weep because I just really cant figure out why you care so much. Your going to do big things with your life, but you will always remember us little people. Your in my prayers, and maybe you will receive this letter, for I only wanted you to know how much I care!

Ephesians 5:2 (New International Version)

²and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

1 John 4:10-12 (New International Version)

¹⁰This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for^{a]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]} our sins. ¹¹Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹²No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

The Other Side

"Mercury Rising" by From Autumn to Ashes

Every breath that I exhale is a sigh -
Every breath that I exhale is a sigh of exhaustion.
[repeating throughout]
How sad - this is what your life has
Been reduced to - a single room apartment containing no more than a mattress.
The strings have been removed from the blinds and all the outlets have been
Painted over. The television screen is streaked with blood smeared from your
Knuckles as you were trying to punch it out but you underestimated its
Strength, or maybe you just weren't trying hard enough. Startled by a knock
At the door you rise for the first time in two days to answer, but you can
Only greet the visitor with one short statement. Hello my first name is
Distance and I really don't care if I never wake up again. Hello my name is
Distance and I really don't care if I never wake up again. Hello I really
Don't care if I never wake up again. I really don't care if I never wake up
Again.

The Other Side

When I talked to her today, she was distant and her eyes had turned another shade. She had lost her concentration.

Didn't conversation become our must?

She stood behind a counter in a small town and when i saw her, it was about nothing, but what had been done.

Don't you see where this could go? She just had one fist for fighting and her other fist was for complaining.

She began to tell me her life in just one story, but as she walked through hell, she told me, she always kept her head up.

Our eyes met and I asked her, Don't you know where your going or who you could be?

"I broke one day and never returned. I ran and never looked back, I feel to Hell and sat there head in hands and weak like a child. "

As she cried, I looked at her closely and she.... turned into me.

God will one day come back to claim his rightful throne in this world. Through the trials and tribulations that satan will challenge us with and use against us towards God, God will strike him down and for the final time and final hour, God will triumph over evil! God will call an army of his believers to stand against satan and this army of God, will not only call the preachers and his sons/daughters of the church, but God's army will consist of those that are the weak of these. God will choose those that are addicts, those that are unworthy, those that are worthless, and as they stand in the front they will be... they will be God's people and the main ones that bring us home and God's glory to a face against satan!