At one time someone once told me,"Nothing gold can stay." As I sit and stare at my life today, nothing gold ever came.
I saw an old friend of mine the other day and he told me he was okay, but as I looked into his eyes, only God and I could tell he wasn't. Nothing changed now than it did when we were kids, but you'll never find a friend better than me.
He told me about his day and I told him about my life, but God could I really help him? When we were kids it was easy. We would just replace life with drugs and time with making music, but now I'm gone and I left him behind. God, what can I really change?
As we spoke my hands began to sweat and the tears wanted to flow because I see your jet black stare and long for their color to look as mine, but our scarred hands just don't match.
I reached and he laughed, I begged and he wouldn't collapse. Oh God what could I say?
As I walked away, things just weren't the same. He had his way and I had to walk mine. Oh God, oh God please forgive us who tresspass against you and please grant us mercy, for none of us really know of what we do! Hear my cries for his soul to be saved and let gold stay, shine, and my plea for his grace be heard!
Comments:
I was told when I was in early recovery the first time (close friends of mine know that there has been many, up to this last one) that you can walk a thousand steps away from God, but when you turn around he's still one step behind you. I've always kept that dear to my heart and have never forgotten it. Just like the book of psalms it has conforted me when I thought that everything was going to crap. I really did see an old friend the other day and I was estatic when I did. But as I stood there and watched him still doing the things that I ran away from or that I had given to God, I began to ask God what can I really do to help. Well, the first thing that came to my mind was that I really couldn't do anything, but be his friend and show him what I had accomplished and maybe that would help. Then as we kept talking I began to tear up and the realization came that they were really far gone. They are such awesome people and would do whatever they could to help you, but they have an addiction to this world that's way bigger than I could take on at the moment and as I left, I just put my head in shackles and just didn't know what to do for them anymore. So as I step back, I can only be their witness of Jesus and I can only pray that they see my change and see that the world isn't just made for addiction, but there is a love that will carry and take on whatever they can't. I love these guys and they will always be close to my heart and may God hear my cry for their mercy and grace, that he will one day show himself to them. That is my prayer for today because I really can't stand seeing them like they are...God hear my cries and bless them with your spirit...I pray all of this in the powerful name of Jesus!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Salvation
I woke up this morning with a starvation. As I rolled over I could barely move and when I did get up the pain was excruciating. I woke up alone and lonely, realizing that I had no where to be because the job I did have was gone like a fresh breeze through the trees. I stole from its location to only get caught and with the steel cold handcuffs, it was just another bother that I received another mugshot. So, when I came to my senses this morning I looked at my phone, it was two in the afternoon and she just wasn't going to call. I lied to get my way through and the drugs just weren't enough, that's why I was shaking and the reason I could barely move. As I sat there with my head in my hands, there was no friends to run to, but there was the bottle that always left me stranded and alone. I thought it would get me through and I thought that it would get me by, but as I lay there thinking the four walls around me finally collapsed. I began to see nothing and wondered where everyone was? But as I lay there hollowed and alone, tired...tired was what I had become. I couldn't get through to you and I really didn't know why, but I'm dying here and without you I shall be. The drugs took over and the DT's made me weak, but I didn't know what to do and here was all I had. My eyes were once colored, but black was there new shade, I was dying on the inside..but this, this is what I was to become.
Matthew 21-35
The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]
23"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents[b] was brought to him. 25Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' 27The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii.[c] He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
29"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
30"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' 34In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
This is through the eyes of someone who has either pushed everyone out of their lives or has/is dealing with an addiction that is just way bigger than they are. People die everyday alone and lonely or do they just not see the full picture. They die alone, but are they really? They die alone because they have not heard the Gospel. The Gospel saves lives, but it takes someone really bold to show it to them. People shouldn't die this way and if I could save them, I would. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone chooses to take their "free will" wherever they want, but they shouldn't ever die in what they think is "loneliness". We should respect them for their fight and bless them as they stand in front of us. If they steal from you, then aren't we supposed to look the other way and provide them with what they need? When they ask us for our help, aren't we supposed to drop what we're doing to do that? These are the first steps to showing the Gospel to those who need it because other people who don't know Jesus wouldn't allow these good thing to happen to them. Show compassion, show helpfulness, show love and most importantly you should always show them Jesus.
Matthew 21-35
The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]
23"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents[b] was brought to him. 25Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' 27The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii.[c] He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
29"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
30"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' 34In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
This is through the eyes of someone who has either pushed everyone out of their lives or has/is dealing with an addiction that is just way bigger than they are. People die everyday alone and lonely or do they just not see the full picture. They die alone, but are they really? They die alone because they have not heard the Gospel. The Gospel saves lives, but it takes someone really bold to show it to them. People shouldn't die this way and if I could save them, I would. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone chooses to take their "free will" wherever they want, but they shouldn't ever die in what they think is "loneliness". We should respect them for their fight and bless them as they stand in front of us. If they steal from you, then aren't we supposed to look the other way and provide them with what they need? When they ask us for our help, aren't we supposed to drop what we're doing to do that? These are the first steps to showing the Gospel to those who need it because other people who don't know Jesus wouldn't allow these good thing to happen to them. Show compassion, show helpfulness, show love and most importantly you should always show them Jesus.
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